Shack when not enough sleep....

My mind is troubled, dun seemed to get started... =((

New House

Cool! Haha...waiting for the time to upload my house floor plan...

Here it goes

Recollection

I was just reading through my blog posts. The last paragraph of the last entry state that the death of the post shall be my collection. Yes. It was indeed so. I just read through some of the posts which I had made. Life was like a roller coaster. But fortunately, the ride was not really that bad.

I remembered when NTU ODAC friends celebrated my birthday @ NTU Sakae Sushi. I was surprised to see PQ and I knew tt my friends were waiting and to surprise me. Haha...this year the same thing happened. I saw Weiqin @ the toilet. Haha...I really do not know how come will end up seeing him. Seeing him was really a surprise and once again, I thought it was only me. Haha....

Death

12th March 2009 Thursday

I was driving back home after having a full day meeting. Was totally shacked and the drive back home was really long. My mum called when I was driving along Jln Bukit Merah and she asked me what time will I reach back home. I told her soon. When I reached back home, this was what my mum told me that my godfather passed away on Tuesday night. I was shocked and I was quiet during my dinner. Both my dad n mom went to attend the wake. I felt guilty because I only got to know it today....

As I was washing dishes, the fear came back... a fear that I am really fearful...I just could not help thinking that my parents are getting older...when I be able to take the truth when my parents are no longer on Earth? I felt the loneliness - the same way my mum must have felt everyday, missing her parents (both passed away quite some time). Did she miss them? I didn't even dare to ask such a question...the thoughts of this day when my parents leave me has created an impounding fear, something that just can't erase out of my mind...I'm trying to do well in my career so that my parents do not have to work so hard...but I just can't fight against...one night, my soul kept shouting, "Please give me more time! Really need it! Please please". Yet, time just stood still without any emotion....I'm really fearful....

This will be the last post for the blog. I won't be deleting it because it can help me to refesh my memories during the years. Just find that blogging has been a way for me to vent out my unhappiness which I do not like it.

Whirlpools of thoughts n thoughts! Just dun know where to start....

In a few more days, I shall begin my humble journey of "despicable, deceiving, promising and sweet working life"!!!!

I was reading through PQ's, Joo's n Peishan's blogs...just came out with a lot of thoughts!

PQ->I just remembered that she's going for Taiwan...wee...Taiwan is fun n I hope that she will enjoy the freezing coldness and the beautiful side of Taiwan especially HuaLian county. My best trip is the Taroko National Park. The landscape was totally mesmerising! Behold the true beauty of Mother Nature! I simply love it! Very happy that PQ is on flying. She had wanted to go for a fly when she had BGR problem. I can recalled when she cried near...erm...ok...shall put a full stop to it. Very very very very happy for her....

JooJoo->The newest entry is: Who is Shun Zhang. To be truthful, I do not deeply understand what's his real thoughts n character. Always feel that the friendship is always stay constant. Everytime I think of him, how I feel guilty. Guilty in the sense of how I never put the effort in catching up with friends. I'm veryv very passive, always wanting ppl to invite me....haha...so lagger! And because of this, I am starting to plan to meet JooJoo alone n him ONLY when my work starts on the 24th Nov.(Not sure whether he's ok with it). He will always remind the importance of friendship. There is something that I am happy for him is that his smile, his scarastic but friendly remarks, his sudden outburst of laughter, his gossips, his many many friends. It's this happiness for him to SALUTE him!!!! Haha...JooJoo GANBAttE!

Peishan->I just read her blog n she mentioned that I'm like leaving in another dimension, the fourth dimension, time. I have not met her since after graduation. Really want to keep this friendship because it is never easy to build on it or to maintain it. Think she must be having lots of work to do! Haha..when is she going to be married...haha...DON'T WORRY....I will be calling upon YOU for DATING!!!! Haha...Alvin is going to punch me, right? Haha...

Oct, Nov & Dec 2008->These 3 months are bad. Economic downturn. I'm fearful that OCBC will retrench my gf because they have already the list of whom they want to retrench. The fear retrenchment sinks into my mind. Retrenchment means no income...oh dear...this is bad. I believed some companies are taking their time and find the best time to retrench their workers. It's like living in fear....This is really a karma for us the human beings in pushing too much gain in material wealth. The economy has taken its toll. Light of optimisim is shining like a future distant star. We, humans, must continue to carry the burning tourch of human resilience!

Birthday Celebration @ NTU

Hmm...Let me think of how I shall start to write.......

Ok...Joo smsed n asked me that he wanted to have dinner with me ONLY n wanted to consult on sth on the 14th Nov. So I was wondering why of all places but in NTU n somemore it's only me n him. It feels weird cos he usually dun do it. As for the consultation, I really think of me of no help to him to consult. As the date was close to my birthday, I did expect that he wanted to celebrate my birthday. So I decided to say ok. My initial thoughts were that the rest of my ODAC friends would not be celebrating for my birthday becos most of them are working or they are already preparing for their exams. So it is practically fine....(sob sob! LAter-year world arrivers are like tt).

So when I met Joo @ the bus stop n we were walking towards Sakae Sushi, I saw PQ. So my mind went like this: So PQ is here->the gang is here also! Haha...I was right! N Joo was complaining how come dun have the atmosphere of surprise! Haha...I felt that too! It wasn't me that ODAC ppl were celebrating. Esther was one of them. I remembered that her birthday was close to mine as I was surfing the facebook website. Haha...did not know my SP's birthday was close to mine. So as usual, ODAC ppl started to cheer on as, " La Ji(aka kiss)......" Haha! Both of us felt awkward. It is this type of atmosphere that brings on the fun and entertainment otherwise it will be booorrrinnnggg. The dinner was expensive as each had to pay abt $26 per pax which is expensive. After the dinner, Zhenhan drove Yali, PQ, Grace, Mark n I to Essential Brew @ Holland V. Had drinks, finger foods, talk n gossips. As usual, both Zhenhan n I were relatively quiet when compared to the rest. Zhenhan n PQ were starting to fall asleep n I could see Grace kept on talking, her burst of energy is never going to fail....I managed to keep up with the ODAC gossips through Grace so that I dun feel left out.

When I went back home, did not bathe n went to change n laid on my bed. I was thinking of myself as a person of the age 26, was wondering what are my achievements, my close friends, my disappointments. I started to recall what my CO said during the ORD function. This is what he adviced, "When you all start to find work or study, you will find that the contentment of being simple isn't really simple." I sank into deep thoughts...it is quite true for me. I will always want the best of myself n will always like to compare with rest of the ppl. It helped me to be a more competitive person but also putting myself into isolation (less interaction, not knowing when friends' comments are joke or serious....blah blah). Felt disappointed abt it. I understand that I take things seriously as it's my character so I really felt pitiful for those who are my friends. "Wha...Gary is so serious....no laughter...dun know how to chat....blah blah"-issue, economic bad patch, environmental pollution. All this came to a conclusion, if I had the choice to be born in this world, I would say NO!

Just wanted to whine n bitched abt my life. Cos I always feel gd after writing on the blog. It has become my medium of venting. Good blog!

All in all, I want to thank Joo Joo for making up the story, PQ, Yali, Denis, Mark, Grace, Zhenhan, Chee Keong (speaking of him, he's the most shocking person to see @ NTU celebrating my birthday), Munir, Untung and Eugene Tay. Thank you all! You all are the only guys who celebrate my birthday. I almost cried when you all peeps celebrated my birthday during the 11th main committee. Thank you...thank you... *weep weep*

Prawn Fishing

The session was totally horrible because it was really a mental torture as I did not fish any prawns. The four of us just caught two prawns and it was so miserable. Of course such failure was attributed to the fact that the bait that the operator was providing was LOUSY! I can guarantee plus chop on this fact. Feeling so down and emo while I'm on my way back home...Next time I must but good bait! If not, do not ever go!

I'm not strong! :(

Auto playing of Music

How to do it on the blog...Argh.....tough setting!!!! :(

Soccer!

I enjoyed myself last night soccer. It has been a long time tt I sweat so much without feeling any form of tireness in my leg. Had Eugene's special car ops! High ops that requires ODAC commandoes!